Growing is an interesting thing, growing as a person and seeing how far you've come can be difficult. There are so many times when I feel as though I'm stagnant, in the same or worse place than I was a month ago, a year ago, 5 years ago. I get too much in my own head and doubt what I've done, doubt the choices I've made. It's one of those "If I had done this then I would be here now" or "Why did I decide to be the bigger person, if I'd just thought about what was best for me I'd be so much better off". When I start down that path of thinking I can almost guarantee I'm going to think I have failed or am not living up to my full potential.
If we live in the past we will never appreciate the present. We will miss the amazing things right in front of us and not realize it until it's too late. A friend once told me to really stop and smell the roses, that everything in our lives needs to be cherished because we don't know when it may all disappear. A great example of this is raising children. Almost overnight my son turned from a child to a seemingly grown adult. He's only 12 but acts so much like a mature adult, it simultaneously baffles and astonishes me. What happened to my 3 year old that loved watching Chuggington and snuggling with me on the couch? He's grown into this amazing, sweet, caring, passionate young person that is as goofy as he is serious.
All the choices I've made in life, all the roads I've turned down, whether they be right or wrong, have molded me into the person I am. There are things I could have done differently, things that may have resulted in a better outcome or less struggle but who knows if making different choices would still land me where I'm at. And just to be clear, I am happy with where I'm at. I'm happy with the person I am today and the progress I've made, how hard I've worked to get to where I am today. Making different choices would have likely been a direct contradiction of who I am as a person, what makes me me. I am a kind and giving person, all to often to my own detriment. But is that something I should change about myself, should I no longer be that person who wants to do the right thing, the thing I feel comfortable with and the thing I feel makes me a bigger person because it may have resulted in me being in a better financial position than I am now? The answer is a resounding no. I know I've worked to get to where I am, it's me alone who's achieved the things I have. The things I will leave my son when I'm gone from this world aren't material or monetary, they can't be quantified. It's knowing I made the decision I thought was best for myself and those around me. It's showing my son that no matter what obstacles or decisions you're faced with in this thing called life if you are true to yourself and don't focus on what could have been or what you should have done then you are a success.
Don't beat yourself up for previous decisions, don't live in the past. Learn from your past decisions and become a better and stronger person because of those lessons. Look back on where you were a year ago, really reflect and be honest with yourself. See how far you've come and how much you've grown. If you don't think you've grown be strong enough to understand the only person you have to blame for that is yourself and figure out what you can do to change that in the future. If you don't see the progress you want make a commitment to YOURSELF to change that in the coming week, month and. year. Work your ass off to achieve your goals while remaining true to you.
I've lost myself once and I refuse to do it again, make the same commitment to yourself. Refuse to be anything other than yourself regardless of the outcome. Praise yourself for your progress, however small. Don't live in the past, learn from it and move the fuck on. Staying in the past only lets those decisions and or people remain in control of your life and you should be the only person in control of your life.
Until the next time my fearless warriors....